I always believed that love is an action; it’s neither an emotion nor a feeling. Feeling has only one role—bringing two persons together.
I can explain this through an example. Imagine any two strangers—like all of us, who were isolated, without love. Suddenly you break the wall between them bringing them together and having the most exciting experience in their life. Of course this sudden intimacy will be facilitated by sexual attraction and consummation. Can you say it “love”? Obviously this type of love is not long lasting. This is the nature of this type of love.
In course of time, as they become more familiar with each other, their intimacy loses its miraculous character. Yet, they believe they are in love; they take the intensity of their intimacy or infatuation as love. More they explore each other, faster their own person gets exhausted and slowly becomes less and less intense. This may end in a wish for a new conquest, a new love with the same illusion of love. The glue temporarily holding them together is feeling-based “love.” It takes little effort and requires almost no thoughts; it is self-oriented and dependent on others for personal satisfaction. What I mean to say that feeling-oriented love is associated to what you believe others think about you, how others treat you, or how they make you feel.
As feelings change, people change and so the circumstances. That is why, in this case, a promise to love someone forever is not a realistic promise. Soon the relationship tends to part away. Here you need to do something, only your actions will help you to be together not your emotions.
I believe love should be sacrificial relying on your efforts. Love never ends; it is not based on feelings. In fact, feelings can often run counter to the expressions of true love. Love can be expressed in spite of feelings through our commitment, not because of what you may think or “feel” about others. As we grow up in love, we know that true love has little to do with feelings but everything to do with our response of trust and loving commitments.
You want your relationship to last long. For this you need to stop thinking that love is that feeling of butterflies in your belly or a scatty feeling of attraction. Start thinking that love is about admiration, promise, faithfulness, and the conscious preference to move past negative emotions that might pull things apart.
Even I can say that love is a choice rather than a feeling or emotion or anything sexual. Love can exist even if there is no feeling. I admit that happy feelings are very important to be together, but our everyday actions we chose to do are more important. Imagine when a couple had a huge argument; it is possible that they just might not feel loving toward each other at all. But they still make the decision to be together and not to leave each other. They decide to treat each other well and put their partner’s needs ahead of their own.
Opposite of this you can start blaming that you are not feeling loved, you are not getting enough respect or you are not feeling that you should be together. Someone who doesn't put in effort yet claims to love has no place in my heart. I am not saying that feeling love is a selfish thing because it is obvious that the same feeling will bring that love to action. That is why couples marry as they love each other and felt love at first. But, if you care only about your feelings then you don’t love your partner. You bring your feeling into action because you want your partner to know that they are being loved. I don’t know how you can choose to love, without having any feelings. But I know that feelings are the one that make you to do anything for your partner. At the same time, I, just me, believe that feeling can go forever. To have the love you need to put efforts. To have the feelings of love you need to act.
